“Doctors said I wouldn’t live past 21 years”

“On my 21st birthday my mum told me that the doctors did not expect me to live past 21. I was shocked. I knew my condition was serious, but I thought if I took my medication and kept appointments, I could live a normal life.

But I didn’t feel scared at that time; I felt excited that I’d been able to buck their expectations. I went to university, started my career and in 2008 I met my husband-to-be, Paul, at a New Year’s Eve party.

I collapsed in a train station

When I was in my twenties, I pushed my condition to the back of my mind. I focused on my career, I was sociable and went out a lot. Then in 2018, when I was 34, I collapsed in a train station. I woke up with all these people around me, asking questions.

Doctors told me I needed to wake up, to realise I had a heart condition and look after myself better. I’d been quite carefree until then, but all these fears quickly bubbled up. I began to think: ‘Is this the beginning of the end?’ I started to worry about the people I would leave behind if I died. I thought about my husband – how was he going to feel? I worry more about that than the actual dying.

I did a six-week course with a yoga therapist. We did breathing work, which helps calm down my heart rate when I feel anxious, and she helped me connect with how I was feeling.

I kept coming back to the same thing, that my fear was centred around Paul. She said, ‘You need to have a conversation with him’. So Paul and I shared how we felt. I wanted him to know that if anything happened to me, he had done everything he could.

Writing down worries makes them less scary

My anxiety can get worse at times. When my dad died, my anxiety about dying started up again. I saw a grief counsellor who explained that this was the way my grief was showing.

She said I should write down what was worrying me, including the worst things that could happen. Once you look at it, it starts to feel less scary.

There’s another technique that works for me: I have an elastic band on my wrist; when I’m feeling anxious, I just snap it. That brings me back to the real physical world.

You need to find what works for you. Be kind to yourself. If you’re feeling anxious, get over it at your own pace. It doesn’t matter if it takes you longer – you’re working through it. You can take that as a triumph.”

• Speak to your GP about finding a local therapy service. In England, you can refer yourself for NHS talking therapies

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