“I think about the future now and things I can look forward to”

“I was a completely healthy person and then out of the blue I had a heart event. When I got home from hospital, I tried to carry on as normal and put on three lots of washing. But I was exhausted and breathless, and it floored me.

Because I hadn’t been given much information, I googled takotsubo and it said it could affect my life expectancy. It terrified me. I started thinking about the end of my life all the time.

I was scared to lie down in case I couldn’t breathe, and scared to go to sleep in case I would die in my sleep. I couldn’t sleep until it was light, when my husband Barry was awake. 

I remind myself of things I enjoy

My heart wasn’t pumping as well as it should and a cardiac nurse started to call me, which made me feel at least someone was guiding me.

The nurse referred me to Cornwall Talking Therapies to help with my anxieties.

The therapist I spoke to gave me a different perspective. She reminded me of the things I have in life that I am grateful for: my home; my garden; the birds. Now I write down things I’ve enjoyed, for example I write about the birds I have seen.

She suggested I read a book called Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life. It’s about people on the island of Okinawa, who live to a great age.

They simplify their life. They do a bit of gardening, a bit of stretching, they have friendship groups. I found it therapeutic just reading it.  

I learned to ask for help

The therapy changed my outlook. Although I have a lot of friends, I don’t rely on them for help. I learned to ask for help.

I never used to admit when I wasn’t well, but now if I feel tired and not up to talking to a friend I say so. The relationship is more equal.

I found that thoughts about dying disappeared. The only time they return is if I can’t sleep.

So I don’t lie there. I get up, make a hot drink and watch a relaxing TV channel which has aerial views of the countryside and relaxing music. It takes my mind away from the worry.

I am less fearful now. I think about the future and things I can look forward to.” 

Listen to our Live and Ticking discussion about takotsubo syndrome:

What to read next...