Talking about your heart or circulatory condition

How to start talk about your condition

It can feel very difficult to speak about your condition. There is no right or wrong way to start conversations, and it’s important that you do what feels right for you. 

Whatever you say, you’re likely to get many different reactions from people when you tell them about your heart or circulatory condition. Some people may be curious and some may be caring or even over-protective. Others may not realise the severity of your condition or the impact it’s had on you and dismiss it.

Dealing with these different reactions can be difficult. Depending on your condition, your relationships with your family and friends may change – whether temporarily or permanently.

Conversation tips:

• Some people prefer not being face-to-face while discussing difficult topics. Try starting a conversation while taking a walk or sitting in a car.
• Don't feel like you have to cover everything at once. Start with the things that matter the most to you and let it sink in. You can always return to the conversation at a later point.
• Listen to what they say. If they change the subject or don’t want to talk about it that’s okay.
• Try expressing your feelings and say something like: “We don’t have to talk about it right now, but I do hope we can talk about it another time. It’s really important to me and something I’d like to talk with you about.”
• It's normal to get upset or feel emotional when talking about your condition. This can be a release from worries or pressure and may help in discussing things more openly.

Talking about it can help

Many people with heart and circulatory conditions find that talking to others about their condition can help their emotional wellbeing. Sharing your experience – especially with someone who also has a heart or circulatory condition – can make you feel like you’re not carrying the weight on your own. 

It may not be easy to open up at first, but try starting a conversation with someone you trust about your condition and see how you feel afterwards. You can also chat to other people with heart and circulatory conditions in our HealthUnlocked online community.

Making your health a priority

It's important to remember that you are the one with the heart or circulatory condition and your needs come first. Listen to your body and your emotions, and do only what you’re comfortable with.

If people push you to do too much or try and stop you from doing things you know you can, it may be because they're worried. It’s important to keep your needs first and foremost in your mind. 

When over-protectiveness goes too far

It’s natural for people who care about you to be protective. But it can be challenging if you’re the one who ends up reassuring others that you can do certain things - especially when you're in need of reassurance and comfort yourself.

One of the best approaches is to tell people that getting out and about is one way you're trying to keep active and well, and that it helps you keep stress and anxiety at bay. Assure them that you know your limits and will be sure to tell them if things get to be too much.

When people don't seem to understand

It’s not always easy for people to fully understand how much of an impact your heart or circulatory condition is having. If you’ve had a heart attack, for example, the shock can be profound. You may be re-evaluating your whole life, while the people you know just think you 'had a scare' and were in and out of hospital in no time.

In this kind of situation, it's even more important to put yourself first and find people who can support you at this difficult time - whether that's through friends and family, here in our online forums, or elsewhere.

Telling your children

Telling your child that you’re not well can be difficult and may require a lot of patience on your part. As with adults it can be beneficial to have these conversations early on, to give them a chance to ask any questions they may have and be reassured. They may react with sadness, be scared or avoid you. This is normal and it’s not a reflection on their relationship with you but their own way of dealing with the situation.

One of the main things that's likely to change when you’re recovering from a heart attack or if you have a heart or circulatory condition is that you may not be as active with your children as you’re used to. While you should certainly aim to be as active as possible, there may be times when you won’t feel able to do as much.

Younger children

It’s important to work out ways to spend quiet time together and use the help you have available when appropriate. For example, if you feel breathless, use a pushchair rather than carrying your child or ask a partner or friend to help you pick up a child from the ground. If you’re finding lifting difficult, it’s easier to hold them if they’re passed to you.

Older children

It's up to you how much you tell them and at what point. While they may understand that you're ill, it can be distressing for them and you if you can’t keep up with their level of activity. 

One way to deal with this and still play an active and supporting role is to recruit friends or family to come and take over when you need them to. It’s important not to exhaust yourself, even if you feel up to it. 

You can also point older children to websites like ours where they can find out about your condition independently. Working out ways to help involve them in your health – like helping remind you to take your medication, helping you with the shopping, and other tasks – can help you all adjust together. 

Helping children come to turns with death

One of the most difficult things a parent will ever have to go through is helping a child understand why their mum, dad, grandparents, or a brother or sister just isn't there anymore. 

Winston's Wish is a charity which helps and supports children and young people after the death of a family member. 

Further support

• Hear advice from an expert and heart patient on how to talk about health problems
• Read our advice on how to talk to your work about your heart or circulatory condition
• Call our Heart Helpline.
• Meet other people with heart and circulatory conditions in our HealthUnlocked online community
• Read about tips for active listening
• Organisations like the British Cardiac Patients' Association can also help you get in touch with people like you.
• Get tailored ideas to help you manage anxiety, sleep better and boost your mood with the Every Mind Matters mental health action plan from the NHS.