How to talk to someone with a health problem

Watch our video to see people with heart or circulatory conditions explain the things they find helpful for people to say - as well as the things they would like you not to say. 

1. Talk to them about it.

Talking is a good way to show that you care. Ask how they’re feeling, and if you haven’t heard from them in a while, get in touch and simply say, “How are you?”.

2. Talk about your feelings too.

Keeping things to yourself can drive you apart and can be damaging to your own health. If you are worried about burdening your partner with your own emotions, or you feel somehow to blame for what has happened, tell them.

3. Ask if you’re being overprotective.

This is common when someone you love is ill. Be aware that they may find this difficult, even though you’re trying to help. Communicate to help you find out if that’s the case.

4. Actively listen.

Try to show that you’ve heard what they’re saying, that you’ve understood and that you empathise with their feelings. For example, say: “That must be really worrying for you.”

5. Don’t offer too much advice.

They may be getting lots of this already. Wait to be asked, or check with them if it’s helpful for you to offer suggestions.

6. Offer to help.

This can be with specific things, or ask them to tell you what help they need.

7. Be understanding.

Especially if they need to cancel plans. Someone with a health problem may not feel like socialising. Tell them you’re still there for when they do want to meet up.

8. Keep going.

It’s likely to take more than one conversation to improve things.

9. Talk while doing something together.

– this is particularly helpful if you’re finding it difficult to communicate. This could include walking, cooking or gardening.

10. Talk to others too.

Your loved one’s illness will affect you, and it can help to talk to someone else, such as a friend, about how you feel.

• Read more about active listening.

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