How to help a loved one live a healthy lifestyle

DO: Focus on the here and now

Sometimes bigger health goals – like stopping smoking for life – can feel far-off. If you want to help someone quit smoking or start eating more healthily, it can be helpful to remind them of the more immediate benefits, says Professor Ogden: “If they’ve not smoked for a month, get them to think about how much money they’ve saved already. Ask them if food tastes better now and if they’re feeling less breathless.” It can be helpful to talk to them about which benefits are the ones that matter to them, so you can focus on the things that they’ll be motivated by.

DON'T: Expect too much

People rarely make radical changes overnight. If someone loves pasta, they’re unlikely to completely give it up. But perhaps they can start eating wholemeal pasta. If your expectations are too high, you’re setting them up to fail. “It’s important to make changes that are sustainable,” says Professor Ogden. “Start with small, manageable modifications and they can build slowly from this starting point.”

• Learn about 13 small diet changes that add up

DO: Listen

If you want someone to listen, prove you’re listening first. “It’s showing you care,” explains Professor Ogden. “If you make a suggestion that’s part of a genuine conversation about how they’re feeling, then they’ll be more open to it.”

An example Professor Ogden gives is someone saying they feel better when they exercise but they can’t find time to go a gym. This might be the moment to suggest walking instead of driving when they go into town. “Just as important as what you say is the timing of when it’s said.”

DON'T: Offer too much advice

Readers often tell us how loved ones share articles on nutrition or point them in the direction of television programmes on healthy living. This can be useful. But there can be a fine line between being helpful and being too pushy, which can backfire. Professor Ogden says: “If you bombard somebody with too many messages, they just switch off.”

DO: Join them

Your loved one is more likely to stick to new habits if you’re making these changes alongside them. This is especially true if you live with them. Even if you don’t, you can still be a role model for good habits. “If you know someone is trying to lose weight, suggest going for walks together when you meet,” says Professor Ogden. “And if you meet for a coffee and they ask if you want a muffin, you could remind them that it will be lunch soon and that you don’t really need it.”

DON'T: Tempt them

Many readers have told us how difficult it is to quit or cut back when others are smoking, drinking alcohol, or eating unhealthy foods around them. “If you know someone is struggling to keep to a low-carb diet and you order a pizza, of course they will want to have some,” says Professor Ogden. “Eating, drinking and smoking are such social behaviours. If you want someone to change, start by taking away the triggers for bad habits.”

DO: Make healthy choices easier

You can encourage loved ones to make healthier lifestyle choices by making them seem easy and more attractive. “If you want someone to eat more fruit, buy it and put it in a fruit bowl on the kitchen counter,” suggests Professor Ogden. “Don’t make walks seem like something they have to do, make them something that’s enjoyable. Talk about how good you felt after and how nice it was with the sun out. It’s all about keeping things light-hearted and positive.”

• Find out free ways to make your walk more exciting

DON'T: Police them

Removing triggers for bad habits doesn’t mean you should hide or throw away someone’s biscuits or cigarettes if they’re trying to cut back. “Any change is their decision to make,” says Professor Ogden. “If you’re making changes it should be after conversations you’ve already had together.”

DO: Keep positive

When someone doesn’t stick to healthy habits, don’t talk about it as a failure. You can motivate them by focusing on what they’ve already achieved. “It’s how you frame things,” explains Professor Ogden. “It’s saying, ‘Okay, you haven’t managed to stick to your diet this week, but you’ve been trying. You’ve lost half a stone since you started. Let’s not waste that.” Professor Ogden recommends celebrating their efforts as much as their achievements. “Tell them, they’ve been working so hard, that you’re proud.” She also suggests that some people can be motivated by having their efforts praised in front of others.

DON'T: Shame or criticise

Telling someone off for eating the wrong thing, not exercising enough, or continuing to smoke is unlikely to change their behaviour. Even worse, says Professor Ogden, “When people feel embarrassed or bad about themselves, they may turn to their usual sources of comfort. They can feel driven to smoke or eat junk food to feel better again.”