Facing challenges positively: Martin and Matthew’s story

Martin’s story

“I was found to have a heart murmur as a small child. After that I was checked every year at a hospital, but it had no detrimental effect on my health whatsoever.

In my twenties and thirties I had a busy life. My work as a hairdresser takes a lot of energy – you are on your feet and running around all day. I started to travel to different cities overseas to work as a session hair and make-up artist. I also took up running and found I could run further and further, so I started running marathons.

I got married to my first wife when I was 30, and we started a family – first we had Lily and then Matthew. With work and family, life was busy, and challenging.

I still had regular checks on my heart and in 2005, when I was 42, I had an appointment for an echocardiogram and an ECG. It was the day after I’d run the London Marathon, in a personal-best time.

I needed valve surgery

I’d felt really good on the run and whizzed round, so I was taken aback when the consultant told me: ‘Your aortic valve is damaged and we need to operate on you straightaway’. It was like he was talking to somebody else.

It was decided I would have a tissue valve because if I’d had a mechanical valve I would need to take warfarin. I can sometimes cut myself when hairdressing and I didn’t want to risk bleeding more than usual. I knew the tissue valve would probably wear out eventually and would have to be replaced.

I was taken aback when the consultant told me: ‘Your aortic valve is damaged and we need to operate on you straightaway’

I worried about my family and about how the children would react. Lily was 10 and Matthew was seven. Matthew is lovely, a happy-go-lucky person, thoughtful and positive. He’s a real diamond.

• Find out more about heart valve surgery

Luckily I was very fit going into the surgery, which boosted my recovery. The operation was in October and by February, after the doctor had given me the go ahead, I was back running. I just got back to life. I chose not to label myself as an ill person – my mother-in-law Alicia always says: ‘labels are for jam jars’.

I decided to become a cardiac rehabilitation exercise trainer so I could help others

I decided to become a cardiac rehabilitation exercise trainer so I could help others. I qualified in March 2018 and had my second lot of surgery to replace my tissue valve later that year. At one point the nurses asked me to get up and walk up and down the corridor. So I shuffled out of the ward and went up to the cardiac rehabilitation department. I told them I was now qualified, and I would love to work there. They took me on and that was my first part-time job as a cardiac rehab trainer.

Matthew faced his own major operation

I felt incredibly privileged to do that work. I was working with patients I could relate to. I understood it from the inside – the fear of exercise is a big part of it when you are recovering. There is a social element to rehab and people do end up living better, healthier lives afterwards.

By the time of my second surgery, I had divorced and remarried. My second wife, Mirelle, has two girls, Lauren and Ella, so this time we had all four children to think about. I was 55 and Matthew was 20. You can’t be lumbering your kids at that age with your problems. Their life, and their enjoyment of life, takes precedence. But I knew that everyone who loves me was very worried.

• Find out about the benefits of group exercise

Two years earlier, when he was 18, Matthew had been through a major operation himself to correct a curve in his spine (scoliosis). To see your child suffer in any way is probably the worst thing a parent goes through. He was a complete star with it. He had to spend weeks in bed recovering, but he just got on with it, and within a year or so he was working at a wildlife sanctuary in South Africa. I took him there when he was 13 and he fell in love with it.

Thank goodness Matthew’s operation enabled him to go to university, where he studied a fantastic course. He’s now working as a food sustainability manager for an organisation that aims to improve the lives of farmed animals, a job that is meaningful to him and will hopefully improve society.”

Matthew’s story

“The earliest memories I have of Dad are of him coming back from a run when I’m just waking up. We were all still in our pyjamas and he’d already been out for an hour or so.

He’d be stretching in the kitchen, wearing these awful socks and shoes – I don’t think you see your parents as very stylish when you are young.

I remember going to visit him in hospital. He was in this bed with what seemed like a million wires coming out of him

I thought Dad was indestructible

I had thought of Dad as being indestructible, especially since he was so active. So when I saw him like that it was very frightening.

When he came home he was in pain, and I had to hug him gently. I remember the scar as well; quite a big scar. Whenever he had sports injuries he was always determined to get back to health very quickly because he’s not the sort of person to sit around. So that period must have been hard for him. But he recovered well from the operation, started running again and life got back to normal.

• Read our tips on recovering from heart attack, stroke or surgery
  
  

When he had the second operation I was about 20 and had just finished my first year studying anthropology at Durham University. I was actually a few days into volunteering at a cheetah rehabilitation sanctuary in South Africa during the holidays.

I was anxious about Dad. He was older and more vulnerable this time. I wasn’t there with him, so it was doubly worrying

This time I was much older and more aware. I’d had my own spinal surgery after I finished school. I was in hospital for five or six days and bed-bound for weeks. The recovery was long and difficult. Having been through it, I was anxious about Dad. He was older and more vulnerable this time. I wasn’t there with him, so it was doubly worrying. I messaged my stepmum to say I was thinking of them and saying: ‘Try to stay as calm as possible.’

You are very much on tenterhooks at that sort of time. I was on the other side of the world so I couldn’t comfort my family and they couldn’t comfort me. I was aware that while Dad may be fine one day, the next day might be different. Dad had the operation in June and by the time I returned home at the end of the summer he was still a bit sore. But he was in good spirits.

• Read our tips for how to deal with turbulent times

Dad’s example has inspired me

He is very optimistic. He is always glass-half-full, and he believes in himself and others around him. He is loving, caring and tells awful jokes, which sadly I have inherited.

He trained so he could help other people with cardiac rehabilitation and he is training to be a first responder. He is 60 now and it’s motivating and inspiring that at his age he is still taking on new things.

Dad thinks the sky’s the limit, which has encouraged me to be entrepreneurial. At university I started a scheme to save food from our catered accommodation that would have been thrown away. Anyone could come and pay a pound and get a meal and the money would go to charity. Students could get a discount meal, food was being saved from waste, and money was being raised for a good cause.

I moved out of home in 2022. Dad is well. He’s still active, and he’s still got the same spirit. I’m really proud of him.”

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