Getting through tough times as a team: Helen and Maddy’s story

Mum and daughter Helen and Madeleine describe how Helen’s heart attack affected their lives. 

Helen's story

“I love dancing. When I had a stressful few years – my mum died, I got divorced and I had problems at the florist where I worked – I danced through it all. Four years ago, one Friday evening I went out salsa dancing with my pals. It was a happy, relaxed evening and I enjoyed several dances.

I sat down and had this odd feeling. And that’s when I had a cardiac arrest. I was so lucky that the people around me worked together to save my life. They did CPR on me and used the defibrillator in the venue to shock my heart back to a normal rhythm. I woke up on the floor with an oxygen mask on. The moment I woke up, two names came into my head, Thomas and Madeleine, my children.

There were lots of people who were affected: Maddy was doing her A-levels and Tom was taking his final exams at university, so they were both going through major things in their lives. I was taken to hospital, and I was there for more than two weeks, so Maddy was at home alone.

I was shocked to the core. I was 53, and I was in denial at first. I kept saying I’d fainted, but my friend Craig, who was with me when it happened, told me: “No, Helen, you didn’t faint; you had a cardiac arrest.” He helped me take on board what had happened.

• Learn CPR in just 15 minutes with RevivR, our free, easy-to-use training course.
• Discover 6 reasons why dancing could be a great activity for you.

Getting inspiration from my daughter

In hospital I had lots of tests, and they discovered I’d had a heart attack, which can sometimes cause a cardiac arrest. I had several blocked coronary arteries and I needed bypass surgery. I didn’t even know I had anything wrong with my heart so it was a shock, but Maddy was very inspiring and helped me face the operation positively. As a baby she’d had a near-miss when there was a problem with her breathing and she sent me a text in hospital saying: “If I can do it, Mum, you can too.”

After about ten days I had the operation, and I was home a few days later. Recovery was tough. I felt delicate and vulnerable. In the first few weeks Maddy was making me lunch and dinner and bringing it to me on the sofa. I felt I should be looking after her – she shouldn’t have to do this. But we were all so happy that I was home.

I started cardiac rehab, and it was fantastic. The rehab team took this crying mess of a person, who was even scared to walk down a corridor. Six weeks later I was stronger, and I felt differently about things. They gave me confidence to get back to doing things for myself.

• Find out more about how cardiac rehab can help you get back on your feet after a heart attack.

Normality started to return

They also gave me lots of help psychologically, which helped me get over the shock of what had happened. I used to study art, and the cardiac rehab nurses used this in my recovery by getting me to start making art again. It kept me occupied and took my mind off what had happened.

I also started volunteering at the local primary school, and I set up a reading group for children who needed help. It’s important to get back to feeling normal and it brought normality back.

After what happened to me it’s such a wonderful outcome. I am determined to live my life.

Later that summer Maddy got her A-level results and got her place at university. It was just wonderful. I felt huge relief and absolute admiration for her. When I was in hospital she was not only coping by herself but also checking in on my dad, who was severely disabled. And she just got on with it. She’s had a few things thrown at her in life, but she is stoical. She’s a survivor.

• Get tips on how to talk about health problems with a loved one.

Gradually I just got stronger and stronger. I remember taking my dad to a hospital appointment and I was pushing him in a wheelchair down these long corridors. Being able to breathe, and walk those distances, was brilliant. My surgeon asked me: “How is your breathing?” And I said: “It’s like breathing mountain air.”

I’ve got back to my art now – 20 years ago I used to make stained glass and I’ve got back into it. I’m making three stained glass panels inspired by 13th century Welsh folklore. After what happened to me it’s such a wonderful outcome. But I live it every day and every hour. I am determined to live my life.”

What Helen has learned

“I found that friends and family keep you going. You have your ups and downs but when push comes to shove, they are there for you.”

Maddy's story

“I remember that day mum and I went to visit Grandpa after school. She looked pale and said she didn’t feel too good, but she powered through and went out salsa dancing in the evening. She loved salsa.

It was a weekend, and so I expected her back late. My brother Tom was away at university, and I’d had a nice evening out with my boyfriend, and after that I was at home on my own. My phone was on silent and then in the early hours the house phone rang. It was Tom and he said: “What have you been doing? I’ve been trying to call you; Craig’s been trying to call you - Mum’s not good.”

Then I looked at my phone and I’ve had about five voicemails, ten text messages and stuff like that. It was such a shock. I went to see Mum in hospital the next day and a doctor told us what had happened.

With Mum in hospital I had to make my own meals and clean the house. My grandpa and my uncle used to do the food shopping for me. They were being very helpful, but they weren’t getting the right things!

Making the best of a difficult situation

Mum seemed to be in hospital for ages. She was in there when the Eurovision Song Contest was on, and I was very upset about that, because we always used to watch it together. We would give the acts star ratings and write funny little descriptions of them. When Mum was in hospital we watched it separately and we discussed it afterwards on the phone. We made the best of it.

I remember one night the whole sixth form went for celebration drinks, and I had a brilliant time. I got on the train to come home, still happy, in this giddy mood and then when I got back home, I thought, wow this is lonely. My friends had gone back home to their families, but I had no one to talk to. So I thought, OK, I’ll make my own dinner. And then I remember thinking, this is actually a good thing, because I have to learn how to do this before I go to uni.

One person who helped me was my best friend, who I still talk to every day. Her mum had been very ill and died so we had a mutual understanding. Also, other friends were very good at distracting me. So, with them at times I had a total break from the worries about Mum’s health and I was able to just be silly and be a teenager.

Supporting mum through her recovery

My grandpa used to be a doctor and when we heard Mum needed a triple heart bypass he said: “Ah fine, they do it every day, it’s a very routine operation.” He helped me feel calmer about it and he was a great support in helping me understand the surgery Mum was going to have.

When Mum came back after her heart operation, I had made her bed, but she wasn’t able to get upstairs. So I made up a bed on the sofa. It was just so upsetting seeing her shuffle around. I laid out food and drink for her and the TV remote control so everything was where she could reach it.

I’ve learned I’m strong and I can cope.

I continued to make dinners for her while she got stronger. She had a back problem before, so I’m OK with taking on the caring role when she needs it. When I went to university I wasn’t that far away, so when she needed help I could go back. But she has a great support bubble around her.

Looking back now I’m amazed that I got through it all. I’ve finished university and I’ve been accepted on to a Teach First course, so I’ll be doing early years teaching. I’m very proud of my younger self just getting on with it. Mum is so supportive, especially on the academic side. When I called to say I had got my place at Teach First she cried and told me she was so proud of me.

I’m deferring my place for a year to help Mum out in the house and I’m looking forward to cooking together, chatting and watching Eurovision. We understand each other better as a result of it all and there is less of a mother and daughter divide.”

What Maddy has learned

“I’ve learned I’m strong and I can cope. I got my A-levels with such massive things happening in the background. It helped me be more emotionally aware and understand myself – what helps me and what doesn’t. For example, I write poetry – that’s a good emotional outlet for me.”

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