Bereavement

What’s normal to feel after losing a loved one?

When someone close to you dies, it’s hard to know what your reaction will be or how you’ll cope. Although there are some common parts of grieving, there's no "normal" reaction.

During this time, you may feel some or all of the following emotions:

• anger
• fear and anxiety
• guilt
• loneliness
• acceptance and hope. 

Emotional distress can often trigger physical reactions. Physical reactions are usually short-term and should pass as you begin to come to terms with your loss.

Physical reactions can include: 

• difficulty sleeping
• loss of appetite
• poor concentration
• lack of energy
• stomach upsets
• shortness of breath
• headaches
• loss of hair
• palpitations
• exhaustion
• lowered resistance to infections. 

It’s normal to experience many of these things as you grieve. With time, many people find that the loss is easier to live with. However, if you’re struggling to cope with day-to-day life after your loss, this could be a sign of depression. Speak to your GP if you’re feeling this way, or you could call NHS-recommended helplines.

How do I cope with losing a loved one? 

It’s hard to know what to do after losing a loved one. Talking about your loss and learning more about what happened can help. There are different ways of doing this, such as:

• Talking about your feelings, which can help you cope with your grief and loss. If you don’t feel like talking to family or friends, you could chat with your GP about getting some support or counselling.
• Speaking with the people that took care of your loved one and learning more about why this happened can also help your grief. You can ask to speak to the right people through the NHS’s patient and liaison service (PALS).
• Some people who die do so suddenly and unexpectedly, which can be distressing. It’s natural to ask why and how it could have happened if the specialists couldn’t find a reason, particularly if they were young or seemed healthy. You might find it helpful to read more about sudden arrhythmic death syndrome (SADS).
• If someone in your family has died from an inherited heart condition, and you’re worried, call our Genetic Information Service for support and advice on what to do next. 

Other things that may help you cope are:  

• accepting help from others
• taking time off work if you can
• calling family and friends
• taking the time to sit and think about your feelings.

Find out more about coping with the loss of a loved one.

What should I do when someone dies? 

There’s a lot to think about and do when you lose someone close to you so don’t be afraid to ask for help with the practical and financial matters. There are also many organisations that offer support and advice through this difficult time.

In the first five days, it's important to:

• notify the person's GP
• register the death at the registrar’s office (within eight days in Scotland)
• contact a funeral director to begin funeral arrangements.

There are often many forms to be completed and it’s helpful to have the following information (as appropriate) about the person who has died:

• date and place of birth
• date of marriage or civil partnership
• National Insurance number
• NHS number
• child benefit number
• tax reference number. 

How can I help a child who’s lost a loved one?

There are organisations that offer support and advice for you to help a child going through grief, such as:

• Young Minds is a charity for children and young people’s mental health.
• Winston’s Wish is a charity that offers guidance to bereaved children and their families.
• Child Bereavement UK helps children, young people and families rebuild their lives when a child grieves or when a child dies.
• Hope Again is the youth section of Cruse Bereavement Support where children and young people can learn about grief from other children and young people.
• Hub of Hope helps you find local support services, including bereavement support for young people.

Where can I get support?

• The charity Cruse Bereavement Care offer bereavement support and counselling.
• If you don’t want to visit your GP, you can self-refer for psychological therapies, like counselling. Find your nearest service.
• Read the NHS’ advice about coping with bereavement.
• Mind is a mental health charity. Read their information and support about bereavement. 
• The Good Grief Trust is a charity run by people that have lost loved ones and helps anyone affected by grief in the UK.

Heart Helpline & other support

• If you'd like to organise a collection in memory of someone, our tribute pages give you a place to remember your loved one and collect donations online. 
• Speak to our cardiac nurses by phone, callback, email or online chat on Heart Helpline (Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm).
• Contact us to talk to our customer care advisors, find your local BHF shop and for any comments, compliments and complaints you may have
• Sign up to our Heart Matters magazine for online information packed with health and lifestyle advice.