How it feels after trying to save someone's life

When it's a loved one

It was Saturday morning, and Ray woke up complaining of severe chest pains. I suggested we call 111 or 999 as the pains seemed very serious, but Ray said “no, no, no, can't do that.” I pressed again and he refused, asking instead for a cup of tea. I felt conflicted because I wanted to call for help, but Ray was adamant. I was making the tea when I heard a loud cry and found him slumped in an armchair. I called 999 immediately and performed CPR as the woman on the phone advised me to.

I was on the phone getting instructions and reassurance from the woman on the other end, but in the back of my head I hoped and prayed that he would be OK.

A few years earlier, I had been on a first aid course at work, and a lot of it came back in that moment. It was physically exhausting, but you tend to forget when the adrenaline takes over. In this case, it was a very precious life I hoped to save.

The paramedics arrived 15 minutes later and said they had to get Ray to a hospital immediately, warning that he was "very, very poorly". 

They were able to get Ray breathing again before transferring him to New Cross Hospital where he was given a stent. It went well, and to be honest, at that point, it never crossed my mind that he would die.

I never saw him awake again.

Sue Leath, from Wolverhampton, performed CPR on her husband Ray in 2006, when they were both 54

I visited twice a day, every day for a month. I never saw him awake. They did tests and they told me he was in a vegetative state and wouldn’t recover. He died two days later.  

He left a huge gap in my life and it still hurts 14 years on. 

A few years later I started dating Steve, he’s a lovely man I’ve known for 40 years and funnily enough one of Ray’s best friends. Steve and I do a lot of things together, but we still remember Ray. We’re not scared to talk about him.

I wish I had dialled 999 a little bit earlier. After I did the CPR, the paramedics told me that I had done a great job, but I think they just said that to make me feel better. If I did a great job, I’d have got him breathing again, wouldn’t I? But they did say “you’ve done all you can.”

Even though it wasn’t successful, I’d do CPR again in that situation because life is precious. You could save a loved one having to go through what I’ve gone through, because it really is so hard.

Doing CPR at work

Ben Clarke, from Abertillery in Monmouthshire, performed CPR at work in 2018

I was in the office at the leisure centre where I worked. The receptionist came in and said someone had collapsed, so I grabbed the defibrillator and ran outside.

It was clear as soon as I got there that he wasn’t breathing. I started CPR and one of my colleagues started preparing to use the defib. I did five cycles of 30 chest compressions and two rescue breaths before we used the defib on him – it gives you instructions, so after it delivered a shock, it told me to continue CPR. I then did two or three more cycles and he started breathing regularly, so we put him in the recovery position.  

When I was doing the compressions, I was thinking that he’s going to come around any time now. When the defib delivered a shock, that’s when the realisation set in. When it says “shock advised”, it’s a shock for you too – it brings it home that it’s real.   

At the time it was a weird sensation. I didn’t think about doing CPR, I just went into autopilot and didn’t think ‘should my hand be here or here’ – you just automatically do it.

CPR training makes a difference, you feel like you know what to do. I almost felt like I was floating above myself looking down, it was surreal.

Ben Clarke, from Abertillery in Monmouthshire, performed CPR at work in 2018

I remember the relief at hearing the ambulance sirens when we had just finished doing compressions. 

When I got home and sat down, it brought it all home what had happened. I didn’t know who he was or how he was, the last thing the paramedic told me was that he might have some brain damage, and that “it’s 50:50, but you’ve done all you can.” So, I was thinking “well, we brought him back, but what sort of damage is there that he might have to live with?” That was playing on my mind a lot.

Over the next couple of weeks, I was distracted, quieter, and was not myself. I kept reflecting on the experience. When I was near the place where it happened, or when I saw someone doing CPR on Casualty, I was taken back to that moment.

At work, we do monthly CPR training, and the first one after it happened really shook me.   

It happened just before Christmas and I found out he had a young family just like me, so I kept wondering what Christmas would be like for them.  

At the end of January, he came into the leisure centre with his wife, and it was the first time we met each other. It was a massive relief to see him. His cardiac arrest was caused by a heart attack. He needed to go start taking medication but didn’t have any brain damage or need any other treatment. We’ve gone to the pub a few times since and we now stay in touch.  

To anyone reading this, please attend CPR training if you can, it really gives you confidence. Even if you haven’t had training, if someone needs CPR then trying is better than not doing anything.

There’s nothing to lose if you have a go: that person could die if you didn’t do anything, and if you try then you could save a life.

What is CPR?

If someone’s unconscious and not breathing, or not breathing normally, it usually means their heart has stopped pumping blood. This is a cardiac arrest and CPR helps to pump blood to the brain and around the body when their heart can’t. If you think there’s a risk of infection, cover the person’s face and mouth with a towel or piece of clothing, and give chest compressions (but no rescue breaths) until an ambulance arrives.

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