I was at the pub last night 6 pints everyone around me smoking and I was fine. I'm cured!

laters

 

I have started shouting at my friends it really helps. Obviously they know I'm going to do it then I scream abuse and expletives at them, in the vein of the Bear talking to Steven in Bo' Selecta, I always end with calling them nobjockey so they know I'm joking and i feel better and my friends are impresssed with my vocabulary.

 

Just been to non smoking group thingy and all of us are doing well, there have been a couple of people who have suc***bed to evil, but all of us are doing really well. Bit demotivated  from what the chief was saying that may well still want cigarettes years from now, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

OK, no big deal just forgot the patch, got till 1pm and am not fussed. Wanted to punch boss this morning, but that is normal, but then suddenly went red mist and was about to go mental had to go for walk to calm down.

Don't want a ciggie, just feeling plain mean and nasty today, not good I never lose it, can't lose it, I was 1/2 a second from losing job this morning! oops!!!! going to bring spare patches to work...

Anyway started being good on diet front as comfort eating has gone out of control.

Ate small salad (no dressing), 1 satsuma, 1 easy peel orange, 1 banana and have saved apple for afternoon munchies attack.

Boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

Yesterday, sunday was a bit wobbly, went to the pub, had to leave after 2 pints cos was feeling a bit stressed and could tell that my mate was gagging for me to go so he could have a ciggie, even though he's apparently giving up. So I left went home, drank litre of tropicana and ate satsumas. Then ate lots of chilli and then chocolate biccies. Have to go on diet this week as looked at myself in mirror this morning after getting out of shower and looking 4 months pregnant! So doing healthy food shop tonight after work to try and sort it out. Determined that feeling better about self has to be 360 degree, inside is good but outside is also very important.

Skin acting up have spot above left eyebrow. Still went saw friend on sunday night to see how her non smoking is going and mine was better than her's!! She said I smell much better i.e stale ashtray smell has gone already. Really noticed how fresh and clean things smell when hanging out washing this weekend.

6 days in and am already confident that I'm now a non smoker. Just a matter of time now till I forget about the cigs all together.

ok saturdays, i would at some point in the afternoon have a few beers in the pub and just generally hang around smoking and drinking till later on when i would go out properly drinking and smoking. Can't do that so am going to rearrange bedroom by throwing it onto landing and start from scratch. Really want one now, am hanging on but strongest cravings yet on day 4...

Day 3, I'm super confident and feeling good.

I even slept well last night, maybe cos I fell asleep with the patch on?? Anyway, have had cravings for ciggies but nothing that I couldn't get through with some deep breathing, repeating "I will not smoke, I don't want to smoke, I want to be free", lots of sipping of water and remembering that I have not given up anything good in my life, I am making it better. Everyday I am stronger and healthier and the nicotine addiction fades further into the background.

I read a non smoking book that focuses on positive thinking, now I'm not one for all that rubbish but, it has actually worked. Maybe it's the negativity created by the slow self destruct feeling you get from smoking that has made me so cynical towards these things before? Not that I'm about to get a therapist or read self help books or anything....

I'd like to say that it's been hard, to say I'm suffering to make myself into a martyr,but i'm not. I'm just taking some positive actions to reaffirm control over my life. I'm on the strongest patches possible and am really determined so it's not that bad. :)

Hey, not too bad. last night was a bit bad as didn't sleep much, took the patch off at 10 but still couldn't sleep till 2ish so pretty tired today. However staying focused, have already convinced myself that this is absolutely the last time I'm going through the hell of giving up just to fall over and have to do it all again. It's mental torturte to have to go through this again, so I'm going to be nice to myself and see it as approx 40 hours now of being a non smoker not 40 hours of denying myself the nictone fix I crave. Thing is i feel much more comfortable at work than I do at home. Guess it's cos there's only one place to smoke at work whereas I smoked everywhere in my house...even in bed which is pretty foul i know! Toying with the idea of going to work on the weekend just so I can avoid my habitual smoking places. Still gonna go and comfort eat, now that'll help. I can afford to eat lots cos if I can get through the next 2 weeks I can loose a few pounds at the end of it. Plus as I can't trust myself to have a drink for the next 2 weeks I reacon it'll even out.

OK, DAY 1! Feeling positive, have patches, am on some group therapy course thing with the NHS. Have stop smoking book, this is all i need right?

This is my third or fourth attempt but so far haven't even beaten 72 hours. Pretty poor I know, but i'm hoping this time is my time and I actually really do want to escape this addiction this time.

Positive thoughts and start Blog, maybe looking back on my thoughts over the course of this will help me when I'm feeling tempted and the nicotine craving starts me lying to myself about how good it will be to have a cigarette.

I know this is BS from previous experiences, the first cigarette after giving up is a hollow one, it doesn't make you feel better, it's actually the most shamefull, pathetic ciggie you can have. It defiles the suffering that you had endured up till then. It confirms your addiction, it confirms you are a weak person. This time I have to keep the crazy addict side of myself quiet and fully under control when the craving starts twisting my thoughts.

OK that should hopefull stop me in my tracks!

Now for the good stuff.

Health, Independence,Wealth, Not being one of the mugs who gives £8bn to the Govt to kill themselves. Can't think of anything else really....weird thing is that health on it's own should be enough, I don't play russian *** at w/ends so why have i smoked? 

BTW

am 32 smoke 20-30 a day, started at 16.

 

SO just half my life......